"DIFFICULT" conversations shouldn't be hard

Difficult conversations don’t have to be hard.

The ability and desire to have them is one trait that sets good leaders apart from poor ones. Being proactive and leading this way demonstrates courage but also a commitment to helping, fairness and improvement. 

So why do we avoid them? What makes difficult convo’s SO hard?

We might fear a reaction eg anger or upset. We might fear our own failure in the moment such as saying the wrong thing. We might want to avoid confrontation that could upset the team or results. We might have had a bad experience previously which keeps us in our comfort zone. The UNKNOWN holds us back, doesn’t it? Which of these do you feel? Which do you need to work through?

Problems at home causing issues in the team?

I had a senior manager reporting to me. She was late, sick, causing issues. Team patience with her was thin. When I raised this with her, I was not at all surprised that she was upset, frustrated and embarrassed. She trusted me and confided that she had problems at home.

Coming from a place of care and empathy showed her that I understood. But I also made it clear that the work situation had to improve. She agreed. Firm but fair with care.

We worked out a plan and in a few weeks, we were back on track. This was never a difficult conversation because we had a good relationship. I had invested in her. She trusted me.

GET PROACTIVE

As the Manager it’s our job to be proactive and have these conversations. This may seem obvious. But without the candid and constructive discussion others won’t get clear on what is needed. Problems rarely solve themselves.

To avoid that dread feeling of difficult conversations, build a better relationship with every single member of your team. Invest in the person first (not the employee). Building trust this way makes every conversation easier not just performance improvement ones. Why? Because you have built insights and understanding of the other person. You have a deeper relationship from which to draw from at every turn. Your words and decisions will land more easily.

If you do find yourself having to have a “difficult” conversation, then use this reframe to help you.

The Five C's make things easier. Reframe your approach.

CALM. It's not an argument. It is a helpful convo about a road-bump. Not a mountain range.

CREATE. Put time in the diary. Create space and time to chat.

CLARITY. Get clear on the issue, impacts and what a better looks like.

CONSIDER their perspective. Anticipate the nature of the discussion.

CARE. Lead with care. How can you help create the better future?

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